Monster 60

I followed Dr. Jacobs back to a more private area, mildly confused that he had separated me from Brad but wasn't taking me to see Tarot. I really wanted to see my brother. I needed to know that he was going to be alright. I looked up at the slightly taller doctor, frowning a bit as he gestured to a chair in the small empty waiting room he had brought me to.

"We were able to stabilize your brother," he started and I could feel myself start to relax. "However, he has still not woken up and we're afraid we don't know when or if he will." I frowned even more deeply as he hinted at the possibility that my brother would not wake up again. "Do you know of any reason why he might have tried to commit suicide?" I balked at that. There was no way Tarot would do something like that. He had just told me that I hadn't hurt him more.

"No..." I said slowly. "Tarot wouldn't do that. There's no way it was a suicide attempt. It was simply an accident." I shook my head, trying to clear away the doubt that was plaguing me. My brother was stronger than that.

"I'm sorry, but all the evidence we have points to a purposeful attempt on his own life," he said and I shook my head more fiercely.

"No, no... Tarot wouldn't have done that!" I said, my voice rising some. Dr. Jacobs just sighed and gave me a patronizing look as if he dealt with things like this all the time.

"Were you aware that your brother had a history of depression and self harming tendencies?" I gasped and shook my head slowly after a moment. I really didn't know much at all about my brother. "Well, that information points to this being an actual attempt and not accidental. Should he wake up, then you probably consider having him see a psychiatrist." I nodded absently, no long fully hearing the things he was saying. It was already echoing inside my head that he had done this on purpose and the only thing I could think was that it was all my fault.

I stood slowly and began making my way back to the main waiting room where everyone else was at. This was all my fault, because I had done something stupid and brought Tarot's back into the present. He wasn't as fine as he had said he was. I broke him. I wrapped my arms around myself, gripping my biceps hard enough that it would have bruised. I couldn't believe that I had been so stupid as to not think about the possibility of negative effects on Tarot.

"Jinx?" I heard Brad ask and I raised my eyes to find his worried face looking at me. Somehow I had made it back to the main waiting room without even realizing it.

"Brad..." I whimpered, feeling the flood of emotions suddenly reach the boiling point. Before I could even begin to blink back the tears welling in my eyes, he was there in front of me, holding me tightly to him. I pressed my face into chest, letting the tears begin to fall. "They said... They said... they think... he tried... to kill himself..." His entire body froze as I began to cry softly. "I tried.. to tell them... he wouldn't do that... But.. they said... he has a... history of d-depression... and... hurting himself..." I tried to keep my voice from breaking, but I couldn't.

Brad squeezed me tightly as my shoulders began to shake with silent sobs. I could tell he hated seeing me like this, probably nearly as much as he had hated the way he saw me the morning before. I couldn't help it though. I just knew that if I hadn't pushed the whole Sandra issue, then Tarot would have been fine. He wouldn't have needed the sleeping pills. He wouldn't have had them to mix with the alcohol. He wouldn't have felt like that ending his life was the only way to escape. I blinked a bit as I felt Brad's arms slide away from me and looked up to find that my father was standing in front of me.

"It's okay, Jinx," he said softly and reached up to brush the wetness from my cheek. I couldn't remember hearing him come up and he'd never shown any sympathy or empathy towards me before, but right then, I didn't care. I dropped my face into his chest and felt his arm come around my shoulders. "Someone tell me what's going on," he demanded softly of the others there.

"Tarot took something to help him sleep," Hides said. "Seems the doctors believe with his history of depression that he was intending to kill himself." I heard my father scoff in absolute disbelief.

"Bullshit," he growled. "No child of mine would take such a cowardly way out." I wanted to argue that, I really did, but at the same time that would mean that I would have to tell him about the secrets Tarot kept. Even with Tarot in the shape he was, I was afraid that telling anyone about his past would only make things worse when he woke up. If he woke up, as Dr. Jacobs had so clearly impressed upon me. "Get Dr. Whitney out here now!" Carson roared at the nurse sitting behind the reception desk before he led me over to a chair. Typical Carson Moon, he wanted answers and he wanted them sooner rather than later, but not so typical was his attempts to comfort me.

"Dr. Whitney, I want good news," my father demanded abruptly after handing me back over to my boyfriend and standing up. I heard Conner sigh and I could sympathize with his current position. Dealing with my father was hard on anyone on a good day and today the person he was dating had come through his emergency room.

"We've stabilized him, but I have no idea how long it will be before he wakes up," Conner said softly. I noticed he didn't say the same thing that Dr. Jacobs had, refusing to even deem an 'if' as a possibility.

"And what happened in the first place?" Carson asked and I could tell from his tone he was starting to glare.

"Apparently, he... took some Eszopiclone which reacted with the alcohol in his system and he went into cardiac and respiratory arrest," he said. His tone was completely professional but I could still hear the slight shake in his voice. "Depending on how long his brain was without oxygen, he could be perfectly fine or... severely impaired or anywhere in between." I turned away from Brad, leveling a slight scowl at the good doctor.

"I want to see him," I said. He sighed a bit, but nodded.

"There's not much space in his room though... you won't all fit," he said as he turned towards the door that led back to the rest of the hospital. I placed a gently hand on Brad's chest and gave him a weak smile before hurrying after Conner. My father was right on his heels and Dani seemed similarly anxious to see my brother. We were all rather quiet, Dani and I both lost in our own thoughts as Conner guided us back to where Tarot was.

"Tarot..." I breathed, biting my lip as I saw him through the window that separated him from the rest of the hall. He looked absolutely pathetic lying there with the large tube down his throat and taped into place. I could tell simply by looking at him that Conner had neglected to say something. My brother wasn't unconscious. He was in a coma and they honestly didn't know if he would wake up, let alone when.

"I..." Conner started, but then stopped to clear his throat. This was just as hard on him as it was for anyone else and I was glad to know he cared about Tarot so much. "We don't expect Tarot to need the ventilator for too much longer. His muscles are just too relaxed to work on their own right now," he explained. After that we lapsed into silence and I could hear Dani's sniffling off to my side. My father had his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it every now and then I guess to reassure me. But I just couldn't get the idea out of my head that this was all my fault. After awhile, Conner finally started speaking again.

"We'll keep him in this room for the next twenty-four hours, to be sure he's stable before we move him upstairs to a more permanent room," he said softly. I turned slightly, noting that the rims of the doctor's eyes were red.

"Is it alright if I stay?" I asked rather than demanded. Tarot had remained by my side at least until I woke up and I wanted to do the same, even if he never did wake up.

"Yeah, that's fine," he replied before walking off to answer a page. Dani moved passed my father and I to go into the room, but my father stopped him before he could.

"I won't expect to see you in the office, Mr. Lowell," he said, showing a much less businesslike attitude than he usually had with his employees. "But I will be in contact if I need your services." Dani nodded and finished moving into the room. I watched for a few more minutes before turning away. I needed to tell Brad that I wouldn't be leaving tonight.

"Jinx, he will be okay," Carson said as he fell into stride beside me. I nodded absently, staring off into space for a long moment. Finally I stopped, just before re-entering the main ER waiting room and turned to him.

"Can I ask you for a favour?" I asked softly. He nodded even as he cocked a questioning eyebrow at me. "Can you arrange for a leave of absence from school for me?" I asked and looked down at my feet.

"I can, but are doing this because of Tarot?" he asked and I quickly shook my head. I'd already been thinking about dropping out for awhile. After yesterday, I just didn't want to be around so many people for awhile.

"This is just the icing on the cake," I muttered. "After all the stuff with Cruz Enterprises and what happened in Jasper, I just don't want to be surrounded by lots of people for awhile." He nodded and placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tightly.

"I understand, son," he said softly. "But you're so close to graduation, are you sure you want to do this now?" I sighed deeply. No, I wasn't sure, but I also didn't want to risk someone else trying to put their hands on me anytime soon.

"Well, maybe you can convince my professors to allow me to take the tests and turn in the homework online," I said quietly. "I just... can't go to the classes right now and I don't know when I'll feel comfortable doing it again." He nodded, giving me a sad smile. The ruse I had used to get Tarot into his good graces a few weeks ago had come to become the truth as of yesterday and I still didn't want to tell him about any of the details. Not that he'd ask anyhow.

"Okay, Jinx," he said. "I'll have someone drop off a laptop to you after I talk with your professors." I gave him a weak smile in thanks. "But do remember, that if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you." I could feel my eyes widen slightly in surprise, even though I hadn't wanted to show him how shocking those words were to hear from him. "Oh don't give me that look. You are my son. I care what happens to you and I want to be sure that while I don't believe that Tarot hurt himself on purpose, I don't want to see you fall to a similar place."

"I won't," I mumbled, vaguely ashamed that he had said that considering just the day before the thought had briefly crossed my mind. He nodded and passed through the double doors, leaving me standing there. I was still stunned that my father was acting so uncharacteristically and had seen through me so easily. But then again, I wasn't generally the type of person who would back down after being hurt either. I sighed softly and made my own way into the waiting room.

Brad wasn't happy with my decision to remain at the hospital, but he didn't argue either. I guess between the argument he had with me a couple of days ago and the one he had with Tarot yesterday, he was hesitant to force himself on me. I was quite thankful for that, as I did need some time to myself still. I had been happy that he had been there to hold me when I needed it, but now I just wanted to focus on Tarot. My brother needed to wake up and tell me that it had truly all been an accident.

After giving Brad a kiss goodbye, I turned to head back to my brother's room, pulling out my cellphone as I went. I had one more thing that I had to do and while I didn't want to do it, there was no way I was going to manage to make it through a night at the bar. I sighed softly to myself as I finally pressed the send button for Jack's cell number. It may have been five in the morning, but there was no way he was asleep yet. The bar wasn't even closed yet.

"Jinx?" Jack asked in lieu of a greeting.

"Hey, Jack," I said softly. I knew right then I had put him on lookout for bad news, as I was never reserved when talking to him.

"What's going on, Jinx?" he asked as the music in the background suddenly became much lower. He must have shut his office door.

"I need to quit," I said quietly. I heard him make a thoughtful sound and sighed, rubbing a hand over my forehead. I stopped walking just outside of Tarot's room, my eyes fixated on my brother. "Something's happened and I... I just can't... deal..." My voice broke slightly as images started to flood my head. I closed my eyes tightly to push them away, a few tears escaping to roll down my cheeks.

"What? Why?" he asked, completely shocked and worried. "Is this about the other night? I had heard that you and Paisley patched things up." I smiled sadly at the mention of my sister and shook my head, even though Jack couldn't see it.

"No... Like I said... something happened..." I choked out. I really didn't want to have to quit. I loved my job at Nightingale's and I liked the people I worked with, but the mere thought of people ogling at me with thoughts of trying to get in my pants made me nauseated.

"Hey, hey, Jinx, don't cry on me now," Jack said quickly, trying to soothe the sounds he was hearing on my end of the phone. "Look, I understand. But I refuse to allow you to quit. Instead, let's just consider it an indefinite leave of absence, okay?" I brushed the tears from my face with one hand as I smiled faintly.

"Thank you, Jack," I said.

"Anything for you, Jinx," he replied honestly. "When you're feeling better, you had best come by and see me." I chuckled hollowly at the knowledge that if I didn't, he would probably hunt me down.

"Yeah, will do. Oh, can you pass a message to Paisley for me?" I asked quickly. "I forgot to get her number the last time we talked."

"Sure, lay it on me."

"Let her know Tarot's in the hospital and give her my number?" I heard his gasp of surprise and he quickly agreed to pass along my message once again. After a quick goodbye, I closed my phone with a disheartened sigh and leaned my head against the cool glass of the window. "You have to wake up, Tarot..." I mumbled.

"I'm praying that he does, too," a voice said beside me, causing me to whip around to face the owner. I breathed a sigh of relief when it was only Tarot's red haired boyfriend and turned my eyes back to window. "I know that you don't like me much, Jinx, but if there's something going on that you need to talk about, I'm willing to listen." I sighed. I'd had all the offers of listening ears that I could stand for one twenty-four hour period. The only person I wanted to talk to was currently unavailable for such things though.

"I don't dislike you," I said quietly, not turning to at him. "And I'm fine." It was a total lie, but I really didn't want to talk about it to anyone other than Tarot, much less a perfect stranger.

"I want to say you're lying, but I don't know you well enough to say that," he said, drawing my eyes to him. "Did you quit your job because of Tarot?" he asked, seemingly making an attempt at conversation.

"No, but I can't say that I'd be in any condition to work right now anyhow," I replied honestly. "As much as I love a good distraction, Tarot's too important to me." Conner nodded a little in agreement, his mouth turning down slightly at the corners.

"You'd rather focus on him than yourself," he commented and I scowled. I must have been becoming bloody transparent if everyone could see through me this much. Finally, I sighed and turned my eyes back to Tarot.

"I'd rather not even remember," I muttered more to myself than to him. "I'll see you around, Dr. Whitney," I said, turning away and moving to go into the room finally.

"Jinx, despite whatever you think, it's never better to bury your problems," Conner said as started to open the door. I nodded slightly, but didn't answer him otherwise. He just didn't understand that somethings were just too hard to talk about.