The Handyman

I wiped my brow as I tended my garden with care. It was important that I tilled the soil and planted the seeds before the weekend was over if I wanted fresh vegetables this fall. Most of the farm was unused now since it was just me here. I only had enough muscle for a garden and a couple of chickens. I'd let the wheat fields go unattended, even attempted to sell off the land, but no one wanted to buy anything that had belonged to me.

I looked around as I shoved the handkerchief back into my pocket, noting everything that needed to be fixed around the house and land. The roof leaked, some parts of  the porch had rotted through, most of the porchrail was missing, the chicken coop needed a complete rebuild, the fence around it needed to be redone, and that wasn't even starting in on the barn or the fences surrounding the unused fields. Hell, even the inside of the house needed quite a bit of tender loving care that I just didn't seem to be able to give it.

I quickly spread the plant food across the churned topsoil before tilling it one more time to mix it in well. I grabbed my basket of different seed packets and the hose, dragging it back over to where my garden was at least bricked off since trying to make a little fence had resulted in a badly bruised thumb. Kneeling in the dirt, I began to plant my seeds, using the empty packets mounted on bent coathangers to mark what was what as I moved over the ground.

I heard the sound of an engine and tires on the gravel, but made no move to stop what I was doing. Only people who ever came up here were people looking to sell something or the boy who delivered my groceries and I hadn't ordered any groceries yet. I sat back on my heels some and looked around to the front of the house, seeing a beat up old car parked in the drive and a boy standing next to it. I frowned some. Whoever it was had obviously not talked to the people in town if they had a child with them.

"Whatever you're sellin', I ain't buyin'!" I called before opening up a fresh seed packet. "I've no use for salespeople or religious folks 'round here," I added.

"I'm not doing either," a male voice said. "Unless you count looking for work selling something," he added almost as an after thought. I stopped and looked back to see a Native American man standing there by the side of my porch.

"You a handyman?" I questioned, wiping one of my hands on my already filthy jeans. "Otherwise there ain't no work to be done 'round here I can't do myself..." He nodded some.

"I fix pretty much anything," he said. "Fences, porches, whatever you need fixed I can probably do it... I won't charge much either. Mostly for materials," he pitched. I sighed some, looking down at the ground in front of me for a long moment as I thought it over.

"Where you plannin' to stay?" I asked without looking up. "I'm pretty sure this place needs more than what you can do in a week's time. And spendin' any longer than that in the motel in town would make it not worth your while I imagine."

"My car works fine for a bed," he answered. "Hell, I'll sleep on the ground if I had to." I nodded a little, but picked my head up and turned my eyes out to the boy by the car. With a heavy sigh, I put the seed packet down and stood up, pulling the handkerchief from my pocket to wipe my face dry again.

"Tell ya what," I said, not moving any closer to him. "I'll give ya room and board plus ten dollars an hour 'til everything's done. Materials are on me and you can use my truck for supply runs." His dark eyes widened some.

"R-really?" he asked in shock. "Well, yeah, of course... that's more than fair," he said quickly. I nodded a little, stuffing the damp piece of cloth back into my pocket.

"Then, I suppose I should give ya a bit of tour and show ya where you and your boy there can sleep," I said as I started towards him to make my way to the stairs and inside of the house.

"Right, uh, I'm Quinn by the way," he said, stepping back to let me lead the way. "Jack," he called and the boy instantly ran over, beaming a bright smile. "And this is my son, Jack."

"Hi, there!" he said happily. I smiled a bit, but didn't let my eyes linger on him long. I wasn't interested in kids. Not that anyone in town ever would believe that.

"Howdy, Jack," I answered before turning to lead the way into the house. I didn't bother to introduce myself. I didn't imagine that either of them would be talking to me much after I finished the tour. I showed them around the house, the kitchen, living room, downstairs bathroom before carefully making my way upstairs. "You can use this room or the one across the hall. Or both if you're more comfortable that way."  One of the rooms was mine from when I was younger and the other was the guest room since I'd never had any siblings. He nodded some.

"Right, Jack, go get your things and put them in here," he said, gesturing to the room.

"Yes, Daddy," Jack chirped happily before hurrying back downstairs. "Was there anything you wanted me to do first?" he asked. I noticed the porch could use some new planks and posts," he ventured.

"Why don't you start by repairing the swing set in the yard," I said quietly. "That way Jack has somewhere to play. After that, I suggest the roof since it leaks pretty bad when it rains..." I started to turn away before looking back at him. "Oh... And for reference, the barn is off limits." He blinked a bit, but nodded.

"Alright then," he agreed before Jack came back up with a bag and a sock monkey under his arm. "I'll get started on that right away... sir," Quinn said, seeming to struggle to find something to call me. I nodded and turned to his son for a moment.

"Jack, if you happen to find any toys lying around in that room, you can feel free to play with them," I said as a small smile tried to pull at the corners of my mouth. "I'll be making lunch around noon. Is there anything you or your son can't eat?" I asked as I started back down the stairs expecting Quinn to follow.

"Jack has  nut allergies, but that's it," he replied as the bedroom door opened and shut as Quinn followed me. I nodded some.

"You won't find any nuts in this house," I said without elaborating to the fact that I was allergic to them as well. "I usually make breakfast at seven, lunch at noon, and then dinner at seven again. If you don't want me to include you in what I cook, that's fine. You are free to cook for yourself as well." He shook his head a little.

"No, no, those times are fine by me. Uh, if you want you can make a list of all the things you need done and post it somewhere to make things easier," he suggested. I glanced at him before nodding some.

"I'll have it posted on the icebox in the mornin'," I said before heading back outside. "What lumber I do have is down in the cellar. You can get to it 'round back of the house."

"I'm not all that familiar with the area... are there any dangerous animals around?" he asked hesitantly. "The people in town said I should watch Jack up here but none of them mentioned why..."  I tensed some at that, feeling that old prick of shame poke at the old, unhealed wound.

"There's the usual," I replied softly. "Mainly foxes and 'coons... An occasional wild dog or coyote... But they weren't referrin' to any of them... They told ya to watch your son 'cause they think I'll hurt him. Well, more like they're sure I will."

"Why would they be sure of that?" he asked, very wary.

"'Cause they're gossipy, narrow minded people who seem to think that I'm a child molester just 'cause that pervert put his hands on me!" I snapped, unable to help myself. I absolutely hated that they all believed that. Even my parents had believed it which was why my bedroom wasn't in the house anymore, but in the barn. "Don't worry about it though. You won't see much of me anyhow." He nodded a bit.

"Alright then," he murmured. "I'll finish moving my things before starting," he said gesturing to his car. I nodded some, but didn't turn to look at him. I wouldn't let him see the water in my eyes. I'd stopped letting anyone see that.

"I really won't hurt anyone..." I whispered, mostly to myself as I went back to my garden. I still had half of it to plant before lunch. I didn't get a lot done right away, having to deal with pushing back painful memories first. At least the soil got a little free water. Once I had myself collected again, I started actually putting the seeds in the ground again. I finished up  after about an hour and picked up the hose to wet down the earth and give the seeds their first drink.

I was putting away the hose when I saw Quinn over by the old swing set. He'd taken his shirt off at some point and I could see the way the sweat made his muscle shimmer in the sunlight. He definitely had a nice body, even if he seemed a little thinner than he probably should have been. Before I realized it, I was leaning against the corner of the porch, watching him work and listening to the sound of his hammer like it was the beat of my heart.

After awhile, I forced myself to stop watching him and went inside, washing up in the downstairs bathroom before going to make lunch. I boiled and peeled the eggs for egg salad sandwiches, mixing in the mayonaise and seasonings before putting it in the icebox to chill while I cut up some fresh fruit for a salad. I was focused on what I was doing so I hadn't heard the screen door shut when Quinn came in.

"Hey, uh, I'll take a look at the roof after lunch. Would you mind showing me where those leaks you mentioned are before I head up there?" Quinn asked and I squealed, jumping in surprise. I cursed under my breath as I'd made the knife slip and slice into my finger. I brought to my lips, sucking off the blood as I turned around.

"Yeah... sure... no problem..." I said as I tried to calm my nerves back down. I'd been living alone for going on five years now and hadn't gotten used to people in the house yet.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you... Do you need me to get you something for that cut?" he asked, staying at the doorway to the kitchen. I swallowed a little and nodded.

"First aid kit is in the bathroom..." I said softly. "And... lunch will be ready as soon as I finish up the fruit salad..." He nodded and disappeared before returning a few minutes later and put the kit on the counter.

"Do you need my help? If not, I was going to wash up a little..." he said, unsure. I shook my head some and gave him a quick smile.

"Go ahead and wash up," I said as I moved over to open the first aid kit. I probably should have gone to get stitches from how deep it was, but I wouldn't take a venture into town over something that wasn't life threatening. I was more likely to run into more trouble trying to get stitches than if I just cleaned and bandaged it up. He nodded again and left the kitchen. I quickly disinfected and bandaged my finger before cleaning my knife to finish cutting up the fruit. It wasn't like it was the first time I had cut myself while doing something.

I put all the fruit into one big bowl and put a spoon in it for easy dishing before setting it in the middle of my small table. I got out three bowls, three plates, three forks, and three glasses and set the table for lunch. Bread for the sandwiches, another serving spoon and the egg salad and everything was set.

"Lunch is ready!" I called from the kitchen door. I heard the thunder of light feet on the stairs before a gentle scolding slowed down the steps. Quinn led the way into the kitchen and Jack instantly jumped into a seat.

"What's that?" the boy asked, pointing to the bowl of egg salad.

"Egg salad," Quinn answered him. Jack made a face as his father sat down beside him. "Don't make faces," he told him.

"Why don't you try a bite first?" I suggested, grabbing a small spoon from the drawer and getting a bit on it before handing it to the boy. "You might like it..." Jack looked at the spoon warily but took it and put the small bit of egg salad in his mouth. He slowly chewed and swallowed before shrugging.

"It's alright," he muttered, clearly unhappy it wasn't as bad as he'd thought it would be.  Quinn rolled his eyes some and dished out a bowl of fruit salad for him.

"I know you'll like his," he commented, setting the bowl in front of the boy.

"What would y'all like to drink?" I asked softly, not really wanting to interrupt them. It was obvious to a blind man how much Quinn cared for his son and I could feel the bit of sadness creep into my heart to know I'd never have that myself. "I have lemonade, sweet tea and water... Well and milk, but with the heat the way it is, I don't suggest it before dinner."

"Water for me. Lemonade for Jack," Quinn answered as he made up half a sandwich. "But you will have milk for dinner, young man," he added to his son. I nodded and set the pitcher of water on the table before pouring Jack and myself lemonade. I sat down across from Jack, feeling like it was a more comfortable position for a labeled child molester to take with the father there. I dished out some of the fruit salad into my bowl before grabbing a couple slices of bread to make my own sandwich. Things felt tense and I automatically blamed it on my presence. Jack munched away on the different fruits as his father made himself a sandwich and put salad in his bowl.

"So I guess you live out here all by yourself?" Quinn asked and I nodded a bit.

"Yeah... For 'bout the last five or so years..." I replied as I picked apart my sandwich methodically. It was one of my quirks since the molestation ended. I picked everything apart into bite sized portions. Quinn nodded a little.

"Do you have any pets?" Jack asked suddenly. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I have a bunch of chickens," I replied. "Do they count as pets?"

"Yes!" Jack said instantly. "How many chickens?" he asked, nearly jumping out of his seat.

"Jack," Quinn warned and the boy sat back down properly.

"Eight chickens," I replied. "I get all of my eggs from them... But, you know what, I had a stray cat decide that my barn was a lovely place to have kittens. I'm supposed to go into the next town over tomorrow to pick them up from the vet."

"Kittens?" Jack echoed in delight and Quinn frowned.

"Jack.. you know better," he said.

"But Daddy..." Jack whined.

"It's okay, I understand," I said softly. "Perhaps Jack would just like to care for them while you are here?" I hadn't meant to get the boy all excited, but frankly I had been planning to turn them over to the animal shelter. I just had liked the look of joy on the boy's face too much. Jack turned his large sapphire blue eyes on his father and I could almost see the man melt as he nodded a bit.

"That'd be fine," he agreed.

"Then by lunchtime tomorrow there should be a yard full of cats to go with my chickens in the coop," I said as I finally started to eat the very small bites I had made out of my sandwich. Jack nearly squealed before Quinn reined him in enough to finish eating his food. Jack finished eating first and he sent him out to play on the newly fixed swings. Only then did he focus on eating his own food.

"Thanks... he loves animals..." he muttered as he skewered individual pieces of fruit with his fork. I nodded some.

"Most children do... And this is a farm... there should be more animals here..." I replied softly as I slowly ate the pieces of my sandwich.

"I'd let him have pets... really I would," he muttered, pushing his food around. "I just can't afford them..." he added, seeming to feel the need to justify himself. Again I nodded.

"I understand... sometimes it hard to choose between wants and needs," I said softly. "I wouldn't still be here if I could have found someone to buy this farm... So I suppose havin' some cats 'round won't hurt too mcuh..." He just nodded.

"I guess I'll get started on the roof... where were the leaks you have?" he asked, getting up and putting his and Jack's dishes in the sink. I got up, trashing what was left of my lunch before putting the dishes in the sink as well.

"I'll show you if you'll help me put the leftovers away," I said softly as I moved to pull a tupperware container from the cabinet for the egg salad and saran wrap for the fruit salad. He nodded.

"Sure thing," he agreed as he went over to grab the egg salad from the table.

"The eggs go in the plastic container..." I said softly as I grabbed the saran wrap for the other bowl. "I'll use the rest of the fruit salad to make parfaits for dessert tonight. Does Jack like yogurt?"

"Yeah, he likes most things, he just likes to be difficult about it," Quinn said as he scooped the remainder of lunch into the container. "And complain if he hasn't tried it before." I smiled a little as I chuckled and put the fruit salad into the icebox as well as the pitchers of lemonade and water.

"Sounds like a delightful handful," I murmured as I put the rest of the dirty dishes in the sink to wash after I showed him where the leaks were.

"He is," Quinn agreed, sealing the tupperware and putting it with the other leftovers. "I don't know what I'd do without him..."

"I hope you never have to find out," I murmured before starting out of the kitchen. "Come. I'll show you where the leaks are..." I started for the stairs to get to the second floor where the opening to the attic was. He followed behind me silently, but couldn't remain in the quiet for long.

"How long has the roof been leaking?" he asked and I shrugged as I pulled down the trap door to the attic and unfolded the ladder.

"I don't know," I replied softly. "I haven't actually lived in the house for the last ten years. I happened to notice it one day when making dinner and it was raining cats and dogs outside."

"Mm, then depending on how bad the water damage is, I might have to replace some beams up here," he said, following me up into the attic. "Though... where do you stay if you aren't in the house?" he asked. The ceiling in the attic was low, but I was short enough that I only had to duck a little bit to avoid hitting my head on the beams.

"In the loft in the barn," I replied. "I'm too unclean to live in the house..." I murmured, reiterating my mother's words without meaning to. "You just do what you need to do. I'm not worried about how long it'll take or how much it'll cost." He nodded some as he ducked under beams.

"A lot of these beams look damaged," he said, pulling pieces of rotted wood off of one beam by his head. "It might be easier to build a new attic," he suggested absently. I nodded some.

"Whatever would be easiest is fine," I replied. In all honesty, he could rebuild the entire house for all I really cared for the place. I had no pleasant memories left in it. He seemed shocked at first, but then nodded some.

"I'll start seeing how much I need material wise then," he said softly. I nodded, letting my fingers trace over an old rocking horse that had been stored up here. It was sturdy enough to support me until I was about ten, but I'd stopped riding it after the first time my backside was invaded.

"I'll put the number for the hardware store at the bottom of the list," I said, turning away from the old memory abruptly. "Just call and tell them what you need and he'll give you the price so I can write out a check for you to take with you."

"Right," he agreed. "I'll get right on this then." I nodded and started back for the stairs.

"You can see the swing set from that window behind you," I said softly before starting down. "After I wash the dishes, I'll be in the barn for the rest of the afternoon."

"Alright then," he said as I left the attic. I made my way back downstairs and to the kitchen where I quickly washed the dishes from lunch and put them on the drying rack. With it done, I left through the back door and glanced over at the swing set where Jack was playing happily before heading on to the barn. Quinn at least seemed like a stand up guy, so I pushed any doubts from my mind as I sat down at my workbench to get back to work on the table leg that I was carving details into.

I buried myself in carving the intricate details into the piece of wood, as I did every day to push down the memories I didn't want to relive. I sold my work to a furniture builder in the next town over who put it all together and sold it for a rather large profit. I didn't mind. He paid me well for the work I did and never rushed me. I was nearly done with this piece, the third of a four legs for a dining room table, when my workshop alarm went off to pull me from my zone. I put everything down to go to the back of the workshop where my shower was and took a long hot shower to get the grime of the day off before redressing in a clean pair of jeans and tshirt.

Once dressed again, I started back for the house to make dinner. It was simple really. Just some spaghetti and garlic bread, but I hoped that it'd be alright. I normally had to put it away and eat it over several days since there was just no way really to make a single portion. Once I put the noodles on to boil, I poked my head out of the door.

"Jack, go wash up for dinner!" I called, hoping I wouldn't have to repeat it for Quinn. I quickly set the table before taking the bread out of the oven to cut up into portions and put them into a basket I set on the table. Next was the sauce with a ladle that I made sure was put on a hot pad so it wouldn't damage the wood. After that, all I had left was to strain the noodles and left them in the strainer over the still hot water so they wouldn't stick to the metal. A little parmesian cheese set next to the bread in case they wanted it and everything was set.

While I waited for them to come down, I quickly made up the fruit and yogurt parfaits for dessert and put them back into the icebox to keep them cool until after. Thankfully, I did manage to use up the rest of the fruit I had cut up earlier so I didn't waste anything. Waste was bad.

"What's for dinner?" Quinn asked as Jack ran in and took the seat he had before.

"Spaghetti and garlic bread..." I said softly as I pulled out the milk. Pouring Jack's glass and then mine. "Having milk?" I asked Quinn, since I didn't know his preference.

"No, water if you don't mind," he said, sitting down beside his son. I nodded and put the milk back in the icebox before pulling the water pitcher out again and set it on the table by him.

"Feel free to dig in..." I said as I finally sat down at the table myself. Quinn nodded and served Jack and then himself.

"Spaghetti first, Jack," he told him before taking a drink of water and picking up his fork. I smiled faintly before dishing out my own plate. I stared down at the noodles, twisting them around my fork slowly long after I didn't need to anymore. It wasn't that I wasn't hungry. I just was still unused to eating with other people. Finally, I picked my head up some, breaking the trance I was in.

"Is it alright?" I asked softly. I usually cooked to my own taste so I never knew if it was okay for other people. Jack nodded instantly.

"It's good!" he answered. Quinn chuckled a little and handed him a napkin since he'd gotten sauce on his chin.

"It is good," he agreed. "Wipe your face, Jackopa," he added to his son. I smiled a bit as I reached for the basket of bread, taking a piece to help me gather my noodles back up into a pile.

"I'm glad you like it..." I said softly. "Hopefully there won't be leftovers for once..."

"We'll try to help out with that," Quinn said with a smile as he grabbed Jack's chin to get the bit of sauce he'd missed despite wiping his face. "Slow down, Jack. You get messy when you rush," he said before turning back to his own plate.

"Yes, Daddy," he said with a bit of exasperation. I chuckled softly at the way he seemed so fed up with Quinn's attentions, but to me it showed just how much he cared.

"I've made parfaits for dessert, Jack," I said. "But... you have to clean your plate first..." Jack frowned a little.

"What's a parfat?" he asked.

"Parfait," Quinn corrected. "And it's fruit and yogurt mixed together." I chuckled a little.

"It's done in layers," I explained. "There's fruit on the bottom, then a layer of yogurt, followed by more fruit, then yogurt, and finally topped with more fruit..." Jack thought for a minute before he nodded and started digging into his food again making Quinn laugh a little.

"Slow down, Jack. It'll still be there if you take a few more minutes to chew your food," he said, handing him another piece of bread. I finished my noodles before starting to break my bread into small pieces to eat at a slower pace. I really only made spaghetti for the bread anyhow, because I liked it so much.

"So... Quinn, is there a limit to what you can fix?" I asked softly.

"Pretty much," he said. "I've always been pretty good with my hands so I pick up on repair fairly easily every once and awhile." I nodded and quickly picked up my milk to hide the slight blush at the filthy thoughts that passed through my head.

"That's good..." I said, clearing my throat some as I set my glass back down. "I'm afraid to say that I'm useless with a hammer unless you want it destroyed." He smiled.

"Well, that's very good for me. Fixing things is really all I have going for me as far as skills go," he said.

"That's not true, Daddy!" Jack protested. Quinn sighed a little and rubbed the boy's head.

"Thank you, Jackoba," he murmured. I smiled a little.

"Oh, Jack, I told your daddy this, but stay away from the barn," I said softly. "You can have free reign of the house as long as you never ever go into the barn. I have some dangerous tools in there that don't look as dangerous as they are." Jack frowned a little but nodded.

"Alright," he said before turning to Quinn. "I finished my food, Daddy," he said clearly wanting to have his dessert.

"Wait for us to finish, then you can have dessert, Jack," Quinn said, taking another sip of his water.

"You know what you can do in the meantime, Jack?" I said as I swirled a bite of bread through the sauce on my plate. "One, put your plate and fork in the sink. And two, open the drawer on the right hand side of the sink and get out three of the long handled spoons." I knew how much it sucked to have to sit and wait for everyone to finish eating, so I figured distracting him a bit would help. Jack instantly jumped up to do as he was told. Quinn smiled a bit and shook his head.

"Careful not to break anything, Jack," he warned.

"If he does, it's alright," I murmured. "Accidents happen and I'm not attached to anything here..."

"Yeah, well, doesn't mean he shouldn't be careful," Quinn replied, eating the last bit of bread. I turned my eyes to the table for a moment, feeling rather chastised.

"I didn't mean to imply that..." I murmured. I had trouble forcing myself to bring my head up and had to quickly blink back the moisture that wanted to escape my eyes. It was silly to get upset over something like that, but I'd been easy to upset for a long time now. He sighed a little.

"It's alright. It's just... things have been a bit tough lately," he murmured, looking down at his empty plate. I nodded and picked up our plates to put in the sink.

"I listen pretty good," I said softly. "If  you ever need to get it off your chest, I have an ear you can bend and a beer to make it all better..." I went over to the icebox, getting out two of the three parfaits and set them down on the table, one at Jack's seat and the other in front of Quinn.

"Jack, come eat your dessert," Quinn said. Instantly Jack was back in his seat eating. "And maybe I'll take you up on that off some time..." he added. I nodded a bit and paused before slipping out of the kitchen to the back porch. I had a lot of trouble dealing with people my age or older. Jack was easier simply because unless I hurt him, I wasn't a monster to him. Everyone else came with preconceived notions of what kind of person I was. I curled up some in the rocking chair at the end of the porch, closing my eyes some.

"Forgot this," Quinn said and I looked up to see him holding a parfait out to me. I gave him a ghost of a smile and brought it down so that it was held where my legs touched my chest.

"Thanks..." I murmured, mixing it up a bit. "I'm sorry if things are weird... I ain't used to people..."

"Yeah, I've noticed," he said, sitting down on another chair and mixing his parfait a bit. "I don't really know your story and I don't really need to. You've given me a job and that's more than anybody else has recently. That's good enough for me to not care about your story."

"You'll hear it though..." I murmured. "They love to talk 'bout me like I'm some sorta monster... So you'll get told things everytime you've got to go into town..."

"Yeah well.. there's some towns in this state that would say that about me too," he said with a sigh. "That's why I've stopped listening to small town bigots. I only talk to them when I need to." I nodded some, eating the parfait slowly as I stared out at the sinking sun in the distance.

"Can I ask where Jack's mother is?" I asked softly. "It's alright not to tell me... I understand painful pasts and all that..."

"She died... before Jack was even a year old," he said, poking the different pieces of fruit.

"I'm sorry..." I murmured. "It must have been hard..." I knew I'd been all but dead to my parents since the scout leader was caught touching me inappropriately. I never quite understood why I was lumped in with him. It wasn't like I'd wanted him to do it, but I was glad I'd never told anyone anything before then. I doubted I could have handled the backlash any younger than I was. He shook his head a bit.

"Our marriage... wasn't really going so hot. She'd had divorce papers started... the car crash just ended it faster than planned..." he said, poking another couple of strawberries.

"Car... accident?" I echoed, tensing a little. "Wasn't... with a drunk... by the name of Wright, was it?" I asked, my body going extremely stiff. I couldn't imagine it. I prayed silently that he'd been in some other state when the accident happened. He glanced over at me.

"Yeah... Why?" he asked curiously.

"Oh God..." I whispered, running my hand through my hair as my eyes started to leak. "I'm so sorry... That... That was my father behind the wheel..." He turned his eyes to the ground.

"I see..." he murmured. "You don't have anything to apologize for. You didn't do anything. You weren't even there."

"It's just my fault he was drunk..." I muttered, curling up a bit tighter. "He never could handle that I was so dirty... Not him or my momma..." I trailed off, staring off blankly into the distance. I could still distinctly remember the night that someone finally told and the police arrived while I was being raped. My parents hadn't reacted like I was a victim at all. I had shamed them and I was now filthy.

"People not being able to handle things are their own problems... not yours," he argued softly. "Janice never could handle that I apparently wasn't who she thought I was when she said yes. And that's not my fault." I shook my head some.

"They've made it my problem..." I murmured. "I... only ever leave this land to go to the next town over to deliver how I make part of my money. My bank... is in the next town... I can't go into town here 'cause I'm so unwelcome..." I sighed some and quickly wiped my face. "Not like it matters. In a couple weeks or a month or so, you'll be gone too and I'll be alone again... If they don't convince ya to leave sooner..."

"I don't leave 'til a  job is done. And from the sight of this place, this job won't be done for awhile. So, unless you fire me, I'll be around for awhile," he said, mixing up the remainder of his dessert. I found myself smiling a little at that. This place was in such disrepair that he would be around for a long time. Hell, I imagined the attic rebuild would take him at least a month on his own.

"That'd be nice," I whispered as the first stars started to shine in the sky. "If... If you do, perhaps I can figure out a good bonus for you and Jack."

"I just need to be paid for what I do. I'm a fair worker," he said firmly. "Bonuses make me uneasy..." I nodded a little as I stood up.

"I understand... I should go clean up so you can get back to Jack..." I murmured, starting towards the back door. In truth I needed to get away before I let on that I wasn't doing well. A doctor in the next town over had diagnosed me as depressed, but there was nothing more he could do besides prescribe anti-depressants. And all they managed to do was make my mood bounce all over the place and make me space out some.

"Right," he said, getting up himself. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," he added, putting his cup in the kitchen sink and leaving to head upstairs. I quickly cleaned up the kitchen, putting away the sparse leftovers and leaving the clean dishes on the drying rack. I stayed long enough to write down the list of things I could think of off the top of my head that needed fixing, plus the hardware store's number before tacking it to the icebox with a magnet.

I sighed softly, chastising myself for even contemplating growing attached to a drifter as I walked across the yard to the barn. I knew I was hard up for a human connection, but I didn't need to drag someone so nice into my life. I imagined I'd be lucky if they didn't see me as the same monster the rest of the town did.

I slipped up into my loft bedroom and opened up my laptop long enough to check my bank account before shutting it off again. That was pretty much all it was good for. Well, that and I had researched ways to kill myself, but I was too much of a coward to do it. I changed into a pair of pajama pants before picking up one of my books and curled up in my bed with the hurricane lamp as my only source of light. It wasn't long before I fell asleep, stuck dreaming about things I'd rather just forget.