The House 5

I woke slowly, finding myself in a room that wasn't mine in a bed that wasn't comfortable. I remembered a room like this before after the uniforms came. When I woke up that time, I had people fussing over me, but this time, there was no one. "Tad..." came the soft voice of my twin and his arms tightened around me.

"T-Bear..." I whispered, trying to raise my hand to his face, but they were both attached to the sides of the bed with soft cuffs. "Wh-where... are w-we?" I asked, shivering some as the room was cold and the thin blanket on me wasn't doing much to make me warm.

"Hospital..." he murmured, closing his eyes. I felt an indescribable urge to cry, but fought it back, not wanting to upset my brother when he was obviously so tired. So I just laid there, waiting. Waiting for him to wake up or someone to come in. I just didn't know what was going on. A doctor came into the room and frowned at Terry half laying on me.

"Terry, you should be in your own bed," he said, but my twin ignored him.

"It's f-fine..." I mumbled, perfectly happy to have my other half in my bed, even if it made it cramped. "Wh-why are m-my hands c-cuffed?" I asked as I again tried to lift my arms.

"A precaution," the doctor said simply. "We wouldn't want you hurting yourself again. Your brother's in the waiting room. Would you like me to get him for you?" I felt myself stiffen at that. I'd hurt myself. I didn't remember actually doing it, only the want to do it, the desire to run away from the guilt I felt for hurting Terry.

"Up t-to T-Terry.." I murmured, turning my head away. Sam was going to yell at me, but Terry was the one who had more issues with our brother. He tightened his hold on me, but it was relieving that he could still touch me.

"Don't care..." he murmured, turning his face into my chest and the doctor sighed, but nodded before leaving the room.

"I'm s-sorry..." I whispered, my voice cracking as the tears I didn't want to fall began to slip down my cheeks. "I c-can't seem t-to not h-hurt you..."

"Why? I... I didn't cut..." he whimpered. I blinked rapidly trying to stop my tears since I couldn't wipe them away.

"I f-felt... bad f-for p-pushing you..." I mumbled. "All I've d-done... is h-hurt y-you... H-he wouldn't l-let you pr-protect me... Th-then... then I f-forgot you... And th-then... I p-pushed y-you until y-you fled fr-from me..." I pulled against the wrist cuff, wanting to wipe my face. "I j-just want t-to s-see you sm-smile again..."

"You're the only thing I have..." he murmured, wiping the tears from my face. "If anything... makes me happy... it's you..." I chewed my lip some even as my head instinctively tried to follow his hand.

"B-but... I h-hurt y-you..." I whimpered, not understanding how I could make him happy when I'd hurt him so much.

"I hurt you first," he muttered, resting his head on my chest again. Suddenly the door opened and Sam poked his head in. He took a moment to just look before slowly coming into the room, clealy being careful not to trigger any flashbacks.

"I've been talking to the doctors..." Sam said slowly, sitting on Terry's bed. "They want to keep the two of you for psychiatric help." I froze at that, not liking the idea at all. They'd separate us, I knew, and it was hard to hide in these rooms. We wouldn't be able to hide from the monster if we stayed here. Terry buried his face further into my chest, not liking the idea anymore than I did.

"I know... you two don't want that," Sam said, watching our reactions carefully. "I... might have a solution, but you two are going to have to help with it and no more cutting for either of you."

"Wh-what solution?" I asked softly, willing to consider anything that didn't involve us being forced to stay here.

"What?" Terry asked, looking up some.

"I want to have a female psychiatrist come by the house regularly to talk to you two," he said softly. "In the living room so if something happens I'm nearby, but I don't have to be too close and upset you. And I'd like... to give her your books, Terry. So that she's more up to speed and you don't have to go through all the gory details with her. She can concentrate more on helping you two learn to ignore the hallucinations and maybe we can take you off the medications..."

"My... books?" Terry echoed, not seeming to be comfortable with that idea. "A-all of them?" Sam nodded slowly.

"Yes... all of them," he said with a sigh. "Whatever is in them, it needs to be worked through. Even if it was just a passing dark thought. You'll forever be trapped in the past if we don't do something though. And I really want you guys to be able to lead something resembling a normal life." Terry shrunk down a bit and I frowned. I had a feeling that those books contained his feelings for me.

"S-Sam..." I started, unsure how to phrase things so he wouldn't immediately pull my twin away from me. "Th-the m-monster... he m-made us... d-do things..."

"With each other, right?" he finished for me before I could get the words to pass my lips. "I know. And I know it's had probably an irrevocable effect on your relationship with each other. I used to think that was why you blocked out Terry, but I don't think that anymore." That seemed to pique Terry's intered.

"What... do you think now?" he asked curiously.

"I think... if it is still like that... then it shouldn't be spoken of outside of the two of you," Sam replied. "I don't care myself, since it wasn't your fault it became this way, but others won't see it the same way. So, keep it to yourselves, okay?"

"Planning to..." Terry murmured as his grip tightened on me some. I wanted to wrap my arms around my other half, but the restraints kept reminding me that I couldn't.

"I wanna g-go h-home..." I mumbled, ducking my head until it was resting on top of Terry's. "I d-don't l-like it h-here."

"They... don't want to let you go home yet, Tadpole..." Sam said with a sigh. "They want to make sure you aren't going to do this again." My twin buried his face in my chest, making my eyes water at not being able to comfort him.

"Let his arms go..." Terry murmured as loud as he could. Sam started a bit at the sound of my brother's voice, but quickly got up  and unstrapped my wrists. I immediately wrapped my arms around my twin, hugging him tightly. I didn't want to be apart from him, but I was afraid that he couldn't handle being here any more than I could, probably less.

"T-Take T-Terry home..." I whispered, feeling the tears building in my eyes at the thought of being completely alone. "Y-you know h-he doesn't l-like l-leaving home..."

"Not... without Tad..." he murmured. Sam sighed, watching us carefully for a long moment before running his hand through his hair.

"Let me go talk to the doctors," he said finally. "Maybe I can convince them that sending Tad home is best for everyone." Terry nodded some, but kept his face buried in my chest.

"Thank you..." he murmured and I nodded to our brother. He sighed again as he left the room and I tightened my arms around my twin. I knew he didn't want to be here or without me and it made my heart swell a little that he'd stay here for me. He closed his eyes as we laid there for a long moment before he asked, "Do you... still love me?" My fingers curled into his shirt, digging into his back some.

"Y-yes..." I breathed, my breath stolen by the tightness that had taken hold of my chest. The tears that had been building in my eyes suddenly began to fall as I just held him tighter and tighter to me.

"Then... you weren't trying to leave me?" he asked, fear still in his voice.

"N-no..." I whispered. "I j-just... I c-couldn't stand th-that I h-hurt you..." In some way, I might have been trying to leave him just so that I wouldn't hurt him again. But it hadn't been my intent. I only wanted him to be happy and I kept screwing that up.

"I wanted to... keep my promise..." he murmured and I sighed softly, reaching up to wipe my cheeks again.

"I kn-know..." I said quickly. "I p-pushed... And I w-was wr-wrong... I'm s-sorry..." He whimpered a little and nuzzled against my chest.

"Not... not your fault..." he murmured and I whined softly.

"Is t-too..." I muttered. "If I... If I h-hadn't forgotten... y-you wouldn't h-have started..." I knew that much. If I had been there for him from the beginning, he wouldn't have ever cut him or at least that's what I thought.

"You couldn't help it..." he murmured. "I would have.. forgotten if I could..."

"I w-wish I h-hadn't..." I whispered. "I f-forgot you... I f-forgot D-dad... I h-have three y-years of m-memories without y-you in th-them... I h-hate it..."

"Dad... isn't much to remember..." he murmured and I let out a sad chuckle.

"B-but... you a-are..." I whispered. "Y-you're my ev-everything... Al-always there wh-when I needed y-you..." I slid a hand up to thread my fingers into his hair, trying to relax him some. I knew it was pretty silly to even try, but I had to. He was my brother. He tightened his arms around me again.

"Thank you..." he murmured and I rubbed my cheek against the top of his head a bit. I tightened my grip on Terry as the door opened and Sam came back in with the doctor a couple minutes later. The doctor didn't look so thrilled and our brother looked like he'd gone around nine rounds with the man.

"Tad... I'm going to release you into your brother's custody," the doctor said as he checked my vitals one more time and jotted them into the chart in his hands. "But it's conditional. If he even begins to suspect that you're slipping down the same path as your twin, he has to bring you back in for in hospital therapy. Do you understand?" I nodded a little, tightening my fists again.

"Sam, here are the prescriptions for Tad," the doctor said, moving over to our brother and handing him some papers.

"He can't take pills," Sam said. "Unlike Terry, he can't force himself to swallow them and has panic attacks."

"How do you give him medicine now?" the doctor asked, frowning.

"In tea..." Sam said, looking over at me a bit.

"Then just crush them up and put them in his tea," the man replied without any hint at all of sympathy. "There's one for trouble sleeping and an anti-depressant. They are not to be given at the same time."

"I'm aware of that," Sam said, seeming annoyed himself. "Terry's on all of the same medications."

"Well, I hope I don't see you again anytime soon, Sam," the doctor said before leaving.

"Come on, boys," Sam said, handing me some of my clothes from home. "Let's get home before someone else tries to throw in their two cents on how you should be handled." I shifted a little, but my twin was still wrapped around me tightly.

"T-Terry..." I murmured. "I g-gotta get dr-dressed..." My twin hesitated for a minute before letting me get up, but stayed laying in my bed. I got dressed as quickly as I could so that I could touch my twin again and reassure him that it was alright. We still had to leave this place after all. As soon as I had my clothes on and my feet slipped into my flip flops, I reached over to grab my brother's hand. It was the most contact I could give him and us both be able to walk.

"L-let's go h-home..." I said as firmly as I could when I was afraid that my brother would have trouble all the way there. He nodded and sat up before clinging even more tightly to my hand. As we left the room, he stared steadfastly at his feet and I could feel his apprehension spreading through to me. I turned my hand a little so that our fingers interlaced before squeezing his hand back. I wanted him to know I was here. I wouldn't let the world hurt him again even if I had failed to stop him from trying to protect me before.

When we got to the Trans Am, Sam pulled his seat forward so that Terry could get into the noticeably darker backseat. I had to wonder if he had done it on purpose to darken the windows more. It was the first time I had really noticed how impenetrable the back windows were until then. Terry practically dove into the backseat, but it didn't seem to calm him down much.

"T-tad..." he whimpered even as I was already crawling into the back to sit with him instead of the passenger seat where I normally sat. I wasn't going to leave him alone. Not when I knew how scared he was of just leaving the house. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, nuzzling against his cheek some.

"I'm r-right here..." I whispered as Sam got into the driver's seat to take us home. Terry whimpered and clung to me, his fingers digging almost painfully into my back. As he closed his eyes, I pulled him closer and played a little with ends of his hair. "N-nothing will h-hurt you, T-Bear... I w-won't let it..." I whispered, keeping my voice low so that Sam wouldn't hear me.

"I-I know... b-but still..." he breathed, still fighting to stay calm. I rubbed his back some as I moved my mouth close to his ear so I could lower my voice even more.

"J-just pretend w-we're back in y-your room..." I whispered. "W-with... each o-other... t-touching... k-kissing... s-safe..."

"Trying..." he whimpered before burying his face in my shoulder. I sighed a bit, having hoped that reminding him of what we'd done that morning would help him calm down. I turned my eyes out the windshield, trying to figure out where we were. What I saw though was us passing by that house and I stiffened considerably. I swore I saw the shadow in the window still, but like Sam had told me, it was just a ghost of who I had been once.

Finally, Sam pulled up to our house and as soon as the door was open and the seat moved forward Terry bolted for the door. I was left to get out at my own pace as our brother went to the door to unlock it and let my twin inside. I took my time, not feeling the same sense of panic that my other half suffered from. It didn't help that my body was feeling the effects of sleeping with Terry and I had to walk slower so that my limp wasn't nearly as noticable. Once inside, Sam stopped me before I could go upstairs and find my twin.

"I'm going to go to the pharmacy to fill these 'scripts," he said softly. "Do you need anything before I go?"

"D-do we h-have a s-sedative t-type 'script?" I asked, glancing up the stairs where I was sure my other half was still shaking like a leaf.

"We do..." he replied seeming a bit confused.

"C-can you m-mix one into a t-tea f-for T-Bear? And m-my usual t-tea please..." I said before starting up the stairs just as slowly without waiting for an answer. I knew which one he'd give. There wasn't a reason not to. I slipped into my twin's room, shutting the door behind me before letting myself sink to the floor. Pretending that I didn't hurt was a lot more painful than I thought it had any right to be. I just sat there against the door, not wanting to risk upsetting Terry and not having the energy to move just yet.

"T-tad?" he asked from under his bed.

"Y-yeah, T-Bear?" I replied, moving across the floor a bit, but not getting up.

"N-nothing.. just... just c-checking..." he said. I sighed and crawled over until I was lying beside the bed. I rested my head on my arms as I laid on my stomach, watching him from the safety of the open space of his room.

"T-Bear... I c-can't c-come under there..." I said softly. "T-too dark... t-too cramped..." He nodded some.

"I-it's okay..." he murmured. I reached out towards him, leaving my hand lying on the floor. He could take it to help ease his trembling or he could wait and take it when he was ready to come out and be with me. I didn't care which. I just wanted him to know I was there for him. He reached out and grabbed my hand tightly.

"Thank you..." he whimpered even as we heard footsteps on the stairs. I closed my eyes some to remind myself that it was just Sam.

"It's j-just S-Sam..." I murmured. "Br-bringing tea... I asked h-him t-to bring us t-tea..." Even though I knew that, my body still tensed up, preparing for worse than just my older brother.

"R-right..." he murmured. A knock came at the door and I flinched without meaning too.

"Tad... Terry... I have the tea," our brother said slipping in the door. "They're here by the door. Tad, your cup is the green one." With that he left, shutting the door again to leave us completely alone. I got to my knees, releasing Terry's hand so I could crawl over and get out cups. I turned around with the cups to find that Terry had scooted closer to the outside edge of the bed. I tried to smile at him as I held out the blue cup to him.

"It'll... h-help you re-relax..." I stammered softly. It was hard to think that I was giving my twin the same drugs I didn't want to take, but I knew it would help. I just wanted him to feel better. He studied the cup for a minute before reaching out and taking it from me. He scooted out a little more so he could take a sip and then made a bit of a face.

"Could... use sugar..." he murmured.

"I'll t-tell S-Sam..." I said softly as I sipped at my own cup. He made the tea to my taste because Terry wasn't a tea drinker, but I at least understood now why I was always given tea for my headaches and stuff. He sipped a little more tea and did seem to relax, though he didn't move out from under the bed.

"Sorry... that I... left you... in the car..." he murmured. I shook my head a bit.

"It's al-alright..." I whispered. "I l-like open sp-spaces... and l-light..." I sipped at my tea some having the feeling that I was going to make him upset if I pointed out the ways we were different. I'd always been afraid of the dark, but I'd also become claustrophobic at some point. For him, the front yard was as scary as the closet was to me.

"Still... didn't mean to... leave you..." he murmured before taking another sip of tea. I slipped closer and kissed his cheek softly.

"Y-you were w-with me... at th-the h-hospital..." I whispered. "Th-that means a l-lot..."

"It was worth it..." he murmured before resting his head on his arm and letting his eyes close halfway. "I hate... seeing you... upset..." I quickly finished my own tea and laid down so that our noses were touching.

"I h-hate seeing y-you upset t-too, T-Bear," I breathed. I moved his cup to the side and took his hands in mine. "Sl-sleep now... W-We'll feel b-better when w-we wake up..."

"'M not... usually tired... this time... of day..." he murmured before falling asleep just moments later. I sighed deeply and nuzzled him a little. I felt bad about having drugged him, but he needed to relax. He wasn't going to do himself any favours by worrying himself into an early grave. I let my own eyes close so that I could nap with him and after a little bit, drifted off to sleep myself.