Who was I?

The first memory I have is waking up in a hospital bed. I was told that I'd been in a coma for a month which explained a lot of things, but I'd apparently broken my leg badly before it. Surgery on both my leg and chest, doctors having had to open me up to repair a lot of damage to one of my lungs. I was considered lucky to be alive, but at the same time, I was at a loss for anything that told me who the people in my room were, who I was, who anyone I was supposed to have known were.

It took me eleven months to get discharged from the hospital, having had several surgeries on my leg and knee and countless hours of physical therapy. I'd still have a permanent limp, but at least when I left, I didn't have to use a cane anymore unless I was in severe pain. I wasn't sent home though. Apparently, I hadn't really lived there before the accident so I was being sent back to the boarding school where I'd been previously. That didn't bother me since I didn't really know the people who claimed to be my parents the few times I saw them while I was in the hospital.

Familiarity was something the neurologist said I might experience when I ran into things, places, and people I had known before. It was true enough for the campus the school was set on. I doubted it had changed much in the year I'd been gone. The dean met the car that brought me in front of the dorms, helping me with my bags as he led me up to my room. Even that seemed familiar, but the first thing I did was take down the pictures that were around. I didn't know the me in those pictures nor the people with me.

The dean handed me my schedule of classes, explaining that I would simply be picking up where I'd left off a year ago in my studies. I nodded. It made sense since my information retention was the same for anything other than current affairs or relationships. He left me to unpack my bags and I set about diligently putting away my clothes and school supplies where I felt like they should be. I looked up at the sound of a knock on the door before going over to open it.

"Yes?" I asked, looking at the boy on the other side.

"Alexei..." he breathed, reaching over to pull me into a hug. "It's true... I've missed you." I stiffened at the contact, confused.

"I'm sorry..." I said quietly. "I... don't recall who you are..." It was a difficult thing to say when I obviously knew the person, but it was the truth. He pulled away from me, bewildered.

"Alexei... it's me, Terah," he said. "We've known each other since first day freshman year," he added, growing worried. I sighed a little and ran a hand through my freshly cut blonde hair.

"Then... I hate to tell you this, but I don't remember anything before waking up in the hospital," I told him softly. "Not my name or my parents... No one or anything aside from what I guess I learned in school."

"I-I see... well then I guess I'll just have to reintroduce myself," he said, managing a sad cheerfulness that I'd grown used to. "I'm Terah, room four thirteen," he said, extending his hand.

"Alexei," I replied, shaking his hand gently. I had to look up at my door for a minute. "Room four twenty-one... But I guess if we've known each other since freshman year, you're almost done with your junior year now?" He nodded some.

"Yeah. Just about," he said. "Where… where are they going to have you pick up? Right where you left off?" I nodded.

"I didn't have much time for doing homeschooling the last year," I told him. "So I'm still a sophomore."

"I see… well, if you need any help with that I'm sure I can help you catch up a bit. I'd be glad to," he said.

"They're going to try to accelerate me through the classes over the summer," I explained. "But um... maybe you can help me. I have some pictures that were still here when I got back... I don't know anyone in them..." He smiled some.

"Sure I will. Anything I can do to help," he said. I nodded and opened the door wider to let him in the room as I went over to my desk and opened the drawer I'd dropped the pictures in.

"I at least seemed happy..." I murmured as I sat down on my bed with the stack of pictures.

"As far as I knew you were," he said, following me over to the bed to sit down beside me. "Let's see... Ah, this is you and one of the girls in art class back in freshman year. Her name was... I think Tracie." I regarded the girl for a long moment. She was cute, but a little plump.

"I'm going to guess I wasn't really interested in her..." I said softly. "I look stiff with her leaning on me like that."

"N-no, you weren't interested in her at all," he said. I hummed softly and flipped to the next picture. It was me and him and some other people.

"Who... are they?" I asked quietly.

"That's my brother, Rafi. He's a senior now. And that's his now ex girlfriend Sarah," he said pointing to them. I nodded and flipped through the pictures with him, allowing him to reacquaint me with the faces and names of people I'd known before. Finally I got to a picture of a girl giving me a kiss on the cheek and my eyebrow went up. She was definitely cute.

"Was she my girlfriend?" I asked.

"No, that… that's Nina. She was in your math class sophomore year… she's pretty smart from what I hear but I never met her," he said.

"Huh? So I wasn't dating anyone," I murmured. "I guess that's good... since I don't remember anyone... I can't imagine how hard it would be on them for me to not remember them..."

"No... you weren't dating any girls," he said softly.

"Thanks so much for the help, Terrapin," I said. "I'm rather glad that I had such a good friend before... I hope that we can become such good friends again." He smiled some.

"You just called me 'Terrapin'," he pointed out softly. "Maybe your memory will come back some day if you just keep around things you know..." he ventured hopefully.

"The neurologist said it might," I replied. "Right now, familiarity is all I really get."

"Well, familiarity is better than nothing right?" he said. "Like… am I familiar to you at all?" I shrugged a little.

"The pictures are... but you've changed since they were taken..." I offered softly. "And your voice is... But I guess... it's not perfect..."

"It's alright, I have changed a bit since your accident," he said, flipping through the pictures a bit more. "Here. This is our band instructor, Mr. O'Brien. He was one of your favorites," he said, holding up the picture for me. I hummed again as I tried to place the man, but I honestly couldn't.

"What instrument did I play?" I asked.

"Piano," he supplied. "Hence why you don't have an instrument here in your room. You had to go to the band room to practice. But you wanted a keyboard so you could have it here in your room." I looked down at my hands for a long moment, noting the long thin fingers that my therapist had said were a pianist's hands.

"I guess she was right..." I said softly and mostly to myself. "They are pianist's hands... I guess it's a good thing I didn't break them too..."

"Very good," he said, reaching out to take my hand. I stared at it oddly. It felt normal, but that couldn't be right. Normal wasn't holding hands with another guy. I cleared my throat some as I gently pulled my hand back.

"So... what instrument do you play?" I asked.

"Trumpet," he said softly, tucking his hand away.

"Was I... any good?" I asked, unable to remember anything more than notes on a sheet of paper.

"I certainly thought you were. And O'Brien kept giving you solo pieces so I guess I wasn't the only one who thought that," he told me.

"I... wish I could remember," I said softly. "Honestly, I can't remembering playing, but I know how to read sheet music... It's a little strange..."

"That is strange. Maybe if you get behind a piano it'll just come right back to you," he said, somewhat hopeful. I nodded a little.

"Probably... like riding a bike... and most everything else my body was trained to do," I replied. I paused a moment. "Can you show me to the band room? I'd like to see if I can still play." He smiled at that.

"Sure," he said, getting up. "Mr. O'Brien might even be there and he'd love to see you," Terah said before walking to the door. I grabbed my room key before following him and fell into step beside him in the hall.

"I am sorry I don't remember our friendship," I said as we walked. "It bothers me knowing that I can't remember any of my friends or loved ones."

"It's alright, I know it's not anything you wanted," he said as he led the way down the hall. "You've made this walk so many times… does it feel like it?" he asked curiously. I nodded some.

"Same as walking beside you," I replied. "I guess we walked together a lot..."

"We did. We had a lot of classes together and we hung out together a lot," he told me, leading me out of the dorms and into another hall. I could tell quickly that this building was used for arts and music simply from everything on display in the halls.

"No one will get upset if I use the piano, will they?" I asked softly. "I got yelled at pretty often in the hospital for doing things that they said I shouldn't do."

"No, they won't get mad," he assured me. "The building is open for practice for the students until eleven and even then they won't kick you out. They just won't let you back in if you leave." I nodded some, trying hard to hide my limp, but honestly it was impossible to do. My leg just didn't move right anymore.

"I'll try to keep that in mind," I said. He frowned some as he finally noticed my uneven gait.

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm... fine..." I replied. "There were complications... with the surgery they did to fix the broken bone. So they had to do a few more... and it just... it'll never be the same as everyone else even after months of therapy..."

"I see. That's too bad. But at least you can still walk. It could definitely be worse," he said, holding the door open to a practice room for me.

"Yeah... At least I wasn't a jock before the accident..." I said as I walked into the room. I had to stop for a moment as my head started to hurt, what the neurologist said were repressed memories trying to surface. This room had a lot of meaning to me, I knew that much, but I couldn't get the images to become clear.

"Are you alright?" he asked again.

"Yeah..." I murmured, taking a deep breath to clear my head. "Memories trying to surface, but they won't... and it causes pain..." I shook my head some and straightened again. "I spent a lot of time in here... It's probably why. So... let's see if these fingers remember how to play..." He swallowed some and nodded.

"This one was your favourite," he said, gesturing to the black piano in the corner. I nodded and made my way over to it, sitting down on the bench before lifting the cover to the keys. I sat there for a long moment, my fingers resting on the keys as I wondered if I did remember how to play. Finally, I just closed my eyes and stopped thinking, letting my fingers remember what my mind couldn't. I felt Terah sit down beside me as beautiful music reached my ears. My fingers did remember how to play and I finally opened my eyes to watch them fly over the keys.

"I knew it was you," an older man said and my hands instantly went still. "Alexei... you've returned finally. I've never heard someone play the way you do." I glanced at Terah, but I did recognize the man from the photo. It was Mr. O'Brien our band leader.

"Mr. O'Brien..." Terah said, getting up. "We're trying to jog Alexei's memory," he said.

"Ah... Mr. Taylor did mention that Alexei didn't remember some things," the teacher said. "But seems that he remembers how to tickle the ivories..."

"Some things weren't lost to the memory crash," I replied, getting up slowly after covering the keys again.

"No, you're still as good as you was before," Terah agreed. "But you didn't have to stop. It's nice to hear you playing again." I looked at them for a moment before nodding and sitting back down. I let my eyes close again as I played music long ago burned into my physical memory. I played until my fingers got tired. It wasn't nearly as long as I wanted to play, but my hands were out of practice.

"It's... been too long..." I murmured, running my hands over the top of the key cover slowly. "My hands lack stamina..."

"You'll build it back up," Mr. O'Brien assured me. "But you're still good. A little practice and I'm sure any rust'll get knocked right off." I nodded some.

"It's... about dinner time, isn't it?" I asked as I stood up. "Or at least... my stomach says it is." Terah nodded some.

"Yeah it's getting close," he said. "You wanna go to the mess hall and grab something? I think it's chicken cacciatore today…"

"Probably tastes better than hospital food," I said as I moved over next to him.

"You boys stay out of trouble," Mr. O'Brien said, giving us a knowing look that only confused me. I hadn't thought I was a troublemaker.

"There won't be any trouble," Terah said, moving towards the door. I shrugged some as I followed and winced.

"I think we need to go by my room first..." I said with a sigh. "I need a pain killer and my cane with all of this walking..."

"Sure," Terah said. "It's on the way anyhow," he added, waving for me to go out of the door first. I slipped out in front of him, making my way down the hall towards the exit that would lead back to the dorms.

"I was hoping... not to need the cane anymore..." I muttered, unhappy with having to have it at all. It made me feel defective and I didn't like that feeling.

"Maybe the more you walk the less you'll need it," he ventured. "But I at least don't mind. At least you're alive."

"Did you think I wasn't?" I asked, not knowing if my parents had informed anyone of my status since the accident.

"I had no idea," he said honestly. "I would check the obituary records from time to time to see if your name showed up but it never did so I was hoping that meant you were still alive. But… since you never called it was… a little disheartening."

"I'm sorry..." I said softly. "My parents... I guess didn't think too much if my friends were worried about me... Hell... after I woke up... I only saw them once a month or so..."

"They might not have even known about me… I don't know how much you told them about your life here," he said lightly as he held open another door for me.

"Maybe... but that'd be weird that I wouldn't have told them about such a good friend... But then... I guess I might not have talked to them about much of anything..." I said as I fished my key out of my pocket. "It didn't strike me that I had much of a relationship with them..."

"I can't say much about that. You didn't speak about them much," he told me as he waited outside of the room for me.

"Then that says I'm right..." I muttered as I opened up my pain killers and dumped one into my hand. I pocketed it before grabbing the rather nice cane my mother had bought me. I still didn't want to use it even if it was nice looking. I headed back out of the room with a sigh. "I hate this thing..."

"At least it's not ugly looking," he commented.

"Yeah, thank goodness for small favours," I said as I let him lead the way to the mess hall. Everyone we passed instantly began to whisper, their eyes wide as they landed on me. It didn't make me feel any better to be the center of their attention.

"The whispers will settle down. They always do," he assured me as he grabbed a tray from the pile to get dinner for himself. I hooked my cane on my pocket as I did the same.

"Hey, Alexei, good to see you back," a female voice said behind me and I turned some to see a pretty girl standing there. It took me a moment to remember her face from the pictures I'd gone through with Terah.

"Nina, right?" I asked, studying her closely. She had changed too since her picture.

"Of course, don't you remember me?" she asked.

"I... don't remember anyone," I replied before following Terah through the line.

"Oh? Does that mean you're single now?" she asked as she continued to follow me. I noticed Terah stiffen at that, but didn't know why so I shrugged it off.

"I... already told him he wasn't dating any girls before the accident, Nina," he said.

"Very much true," Nina said, getting closer to me. "So... since you're back and still as hot as ever, what do you say you and I give it a go, Alexei?" I glanced at her again before shrugging.

"Give me some time to get my bearings again, please," I said softly. "I don't remember the school or the people in it."

"Well, don't think I'll just sit by and let you run off again," she said. "I'll let you have your week to give me an answer. After that, well, I'll give you the answer." I laughed slightly at that, though I almost felt creeped out. I grabbed my plates of the main course, salad, dessert, and two bottles of soda.

"I guess she liked you more than I thought," Terah murmured as he led the way to a table and sat down with his food.

"Is it alright if I feel a little... weirded out?" I asked as I took my pain medicine. "She... came on rather strong... I don't think I like that..."

"You can feel however you want about it," he told me. "If you don't like how she approaches you, maybe that's a sign it wouldn't work out from the get go." I nodded some.

"I think I'll probably turn her down," I said as I squeezed the dressing packet over my salad. "I'm not comfortable with how she suggested she'd give me my own answer."

"Yeah, that was a little presumptuous of her," he agreed. "But you have so much on your plate already maybe you just should forget about dating for a while." I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Am I in the way of you and Nina?" I asked, a little thrown off by how much he didn't like the idea of me and her getting together. "I mean, I'm all for giving myself plenty of time to settle into school again, but... I don't know... You seem pissed that she's hitting on me." He laughed at that.

"No, no I am not in the least bit interested in Nina," he assured me. "She's… just not what I'm looking for." I nodded some as I stirred the dressing into my salad.

"So... tell me about me... I'm interested in who I was..." I said as I took the first bite of dinner.

"Well, you loved music," he said. "Your favorite subject other than music was science but I think that might have been because of the experiments… when it was stuff like physics you got bored but you were pretty good at the math part. Pretty good at math in general actually. Better than me at least."

"Does that mean I helped you in math and science?" I asked, raising an eyebrow some. "Or... is it that my grades were just higher there?"

"Every once in awhile you'd help me out, but for the most part it was just your grades were higher," he told me. I nodded some.

"Well... I hope you can bear with me as I get my feet under me again," I murmured. "I'm not so sure I can be that person still... or again..." He gave me a smile and a nod before taking a drink of his soda.

"It's alright. I understand," he told me.

"Alright... tell me about you," I said. "I'm almost a blank canvas at the moment, but I'd like to know you again." He nodded some.

"Well, I play trumpet like I said before. I sometimes go out and play ball with my brother and his friends but I'm no real athlete or anything. I hate artificial grape flavor and my favorite color is forest green. I can give you my blood type and sign and all that too if you want but that might sound even cheesier," he said, trying to joke some at the end.

"Ah... playing ball would risk injuring my fingers..." I said. "No wonder I wasn't an athlete... But you know what a funny coincidence is? My therapist said my eyes were forest green... How coincidental that it's your favourite colour."

"Yeah..." he said softly. "Funny world indeed." He turned back to his food, so I did as well. I had a feeling I had said something that bothered him, but he obviously didn't want to talk about it. Everything would work itself out again eventually I was sure. Even if I didn't get my memory back, I could at least try to pick my life up again. He eventually put his fork to the side with a smile.

"So how was it? I know it's not amazing since it's still school food but it's at least all made here instead of in some factory off in who knows where."

"Better than hospital food," I replied, poking at the dessert some. "I... haven't had anything other than hospital food since I woke up... So it's the only thing I have to compare it to."

"Well, that's unfortunate. At least it can only get better that way," he pointed out. "It's always nice when it can only be better than what you know." I shrugged some.

"I suppose that's one way to look at it," I said softly. I glanced around the mess hall and sighed heavily. "I think... I'm gonna head back to my room. Too many people staring and whispering for my taste."

"Yeah sure. You want me to go up with you and help with the pictures too?" he asked, getting up from his seat.

"I don't mind the company, but I'm done with the pictures for tonight..." I replied as I held the unopened bottle between my fingers of my cane hand. "Everything's... a little mixed up in my head right now... and I need to give my brain a chance to relax..."

"Then I'll be your company," he said, grabbing our trash to throw away. I sighed a little that he'd grabbed my tray and moved my drink to my now free hand. The murmurs seemed to get even louder as I had to lean more heavily on my cane than I would have liked. Terah dumped our trash before catching up to me easily.

"Don't worry about those idiots. They love gossip but once something new happens then they'll forget all about today."

"Yeah... You'd think they'd never seen a kid with a cane before..." I muttered before sighing. "And the only reason I'm here... is because there's no one home anymore than there was someone at the hospital..."

"Well I'm glad you came back. I've missed you. A hell of a lot," he said truthfully. "And we'll get that memory of yours back sooner or later. Everything'll be fine." I smiled some.

"It's nice to know I was worth missing," I said softly. "I didn't know what I was walking back into coming here... I'm glad you were the first person I saw."

"I'm glad too. I ran over as soon as I heard you were back," he admitted. I laughed some.

"A quick sprint from four doors down," I commented, pausing to get my room key out. "And this is why I hate the cane... I feel almost useless when I have to stop because I'm carrying something and I need to get something from my pocket."

"Well, it's only a big deal if you're running late and at the moment, you're not," he said. "Besides, it's... quirky." I gave him a bit of a bland look as I pushed the door open and took hold of my cane again.

"Come in... if you don't mind me changing into something more comfortable," I said as I moved into the room more.

"I don't mind at all," he said, following me in. I nodded some and waited for the door to shut before stripping out of my clothes. I didn't even think twice about it since we were both guys and we'd been friends before my accident. The scarring on my leg was bad. There were a couple nasty lines on my thigh and then some smaller ones around my knee from the surgeries they'd done trying to fix me. The one that bothered me the most was the jagged line down the center of my chest where they'd opened me up to repair my lung.

"How many surgeries did you end up having?" he asked and I knew he'd been looking at my scars.

"Five including the emergency surgery to keep me from drowning," I replied softly as I pulled my pajama pants up. "They screwed up the fix on the broken bone twice... and they realized after it healed that there was damage to my ACL and MCL."

"Wow… I hope they got sued for screwing up the surgery twice. You'd think they'd have been more careful the second time," he said.

"They were," I replied. "It helped expedite things that I was sixteen and would likely never walk normally again..." I pulled on a t-shirt to hide the scar on my chest before collapsing on my chair. "So what do people normally do around here?" I asked.

"Well, there's playing around like lunatics outside… then there's the lounge in the basement where there's some games set up for us to use. Then there's whatever you can do in your room. And last but not least there's the actual pool hall over by the mess where you can play pool and various other games," he told me. I hummed some, idly running my fingertips over my stomach.

"Pool sounds interesting..." I finally said. "Maybe... once I'm settled in we can go down and shoot a few rounds."

"Sure... you'll probably kick my ass," he said absently. I looked over at him to notice him watching my fingers.

"It... relaxes me... like nothing else does," I explained, figuring he was confused. "I figured it was something someone did for me... or I did myself... but when I'm all stiff like I have been today... I won't be able to relax enough to sleep without doing it..." His eyes came back up to my face and he smiled some.

"It's good that it helps," he said. "I'm sure... whoever did it for you would be glad to know it's still bringing you a bit of comfort."

"I wish I could remember..." I murmured. "You know... they wouldn't even tell me what kind of accident I had? They just said it was an accident."

"Nobody'll really say what it was," he murmured. "I tried to find out for months and just kept getting stone walled everywhere. It was just one day you were being rushed off to the hospital and then you were gone." I sighed some.

"I suppose someday I'll find out..." I said. "Until then, I'll just have to be more careful."

"I guess so. Are you tired at all?" he asked. "You kind of look it."

"It's the pain killers..." I muttered. "I'm on the strongest ones with the least side effects. If it'd been any of the others I'd have probably been asleep as soon as I hit the bed."

"Well, then you should rest," he said, coming over to gently take my arm and lead me over to the bed. "It's your first day back. Pushing yourself will only drain you faster." I looked up at him, a little confused.

"You... always treat me... differently..." I muttered, my eyes already growing heavy. I couldn't have argued if I wanted to. All I knew was that it felt normal for him to be acting overly concerned with me getting enough rest.

"Is... that a good kind of different or a bad kind of different?" he asked softly as he sat on the edge of my bed. My eyes drifted closed as I turned on my side, tucking my arm under my pillow and head.

"Wasn't  bad..." I mumbled. "Was... never bad..." I heard him say something, but it never registered in my brain. I was already gone, lost in dreams of a life I couldn't remember when I woke up. I dreamed of kissing someone, but when the kiss disappeared it was replaced by hands on my chest. I felt myself falling, hitting the ground. I felt the pain of my leg breaking, my knee twisting in a way it shouldn't have. I could feel the sharp pain in my chest and the difficulty of drawing a breath.